❤ Monday, August 12, 2013
Sometimes people make promises just to make you happy..
When the time comes for them to do what they said they would, they expect you to be understanding as to why they can't, otherwise you'd be being unreasonable.
If that's the case, why did you make that promise in the first place?
This is why I keep a lot of things to myself, pretend I've forgotten about them. I don't ever forget. I never forget.
It's a lot easier to keep it in, at least you can convince yourself you're still waiting for it to happen. If you bring it up, you're just setting yourself up for that 'please understand or else you're being unreasonable' conversation. I can't put myself through those conversations that I know would happen. I'll keep it to myself. Maybe one day if I lose my memory, I'll forget every single thing in this painful mind..
Just the Two of Us
❤ Saturday, August 10, 2013
Went to church and sat on our own today. It honestly feels nice to sit on our own once in a while. Brings back happy memories of when we used to do that every week.
Service was nice today. It was actually one of those services when I was really awake throughout and paid attention for most of it. Partly because of the cute graphics on the screen :p
After that we went downstairs to the new Sephora outlet that just opened at Suntec and since my lip balm is almost finished, I bought the Burt's Bees lip balm to try. I chose the beeswax one as a safe option because the old Lip Pure one was an organic beeswax one too and it worked good for me. This new one has peppermint in it though so it tingles for a while after putting it on. I like it but hopefully it won't cause any allergic reaction like the ton of unfinished lip balms I own that did.
We weren't hungry so went to Fort Canning for some quiet time. Went to PS Cafe at Palais Renaissance to have dessert since we didn't want dinner. We were still full from having eaten at Din Tai Fung before going to service. This was the first time B brought me for dessert even though we've been together for almost 2 and a half years. I got my usual Golden Banana Butterscotch Cake, B got Banana Mango Crumble and we also got Truffle Fries to snack on. Yummy!
I love anything caramel-/butterscotch-ish. Their vanilla ice cream is yummy too.
B's came with vanilla ice cream too. The Crumble was yummy on top but B said the bottom was weird. I only tasted the top crumble bit so I don't know how the inside was like.
Their truffle fries of course, is always yummy. With Parmesan cheese and parsley sprinkled on top. So good! I love the taste of truffle.
We had a nice quiet time eating and chatting before B slowly drove me home. I do love talking to B, especially in the car, especially when he parks it somewhere and we just sit inside and talk. I felt so sad as he accompanied me upstairs. I just couldn't bear to go home. Saying goodbye has been really tough recently because our plans have become uncertain now. It makes me sad.
Thank you for bringing me for dessert, Baby. You always do your best to make me happy.
He just called me to sing me Soft Kitty over the phone aww! ❤ It's 4.09am! Hearing his voice makes me so happy.
I'm really sleepy. Time to sleep. Goodnight!
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Some things make you lose your self-worth. I just want to lie in bed and cry, I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't want to eat, I don't want to take care of myself, I can't be bothered to put on makeup properly because no matter what I do it'll always be ugly. Every time I look into the mirror all I see are my bruises. Even if they disappear eventually I know I'll always see them over my eye. I can't be bothered to fix my nails. They look like crap. All I think about is that night. Maybe you can say I'm just jealous but the thing is I'd never in a million years do this to him. Never. Why be so nice to someone else and say no to me in front of everyone else? I can fake a smile and pretend it's nothing but I can't wear a smile on my face for so long. I don't understand. Why? Why am I getting punished when from the beginning I've been getting hurt? It hurts so much, I don't know how to make it go away. I don't know how to feel the way I did again. You can try to make everything outside the way it was, but on the inside I don't know how to go back again. I just want to distance myself from everyone, so I don't have to see him being nice to someone else, I don't have to care, I don't have to know, I don't have to hurt.
Looking normal is second nature to me. It always has. No matter what happened, what I feel inside, I can step out of the house looking like nothing happened. But am I unaffected? Am I over it? Every single second I'm struggling on the inside.
My cry for help is when I say what I want to do. When I keep quiet, I don't want to hold on to anything any more.
The only person who can fix you is the one who broke you..
❤ Thursday, August 8, 2013
You know you're madly in love with each other when despite all the fights and hurtful words, you're still holding on to each other and fighting circumstances to be together.
To be able to say "This makes me so sad." and "This makes me sad too." to each other and sigh at the mess we've gotten ourselves into, to still hold hands and lean our heads together with our eyes closed with the sadness of our situation, I still feel so incredibly blissful.
At least we're happy, even if everything else around us is in a mess. I'd rather this than the other way round. At least we're happy, just us against the world. Despite everything we still want each other. I'm just beyond grateful.
Happy 29th Month, Baby. We can be happy and blissful no matter what circumstance we're in. I believe that. We'll get through everything. We're going to spend the rest of our lives working on loving each other perfectly, and it's all going to be worth it. ❤ I love you so much!
Patchie had a wound :(
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Note: This has been unfinished in my drafts for a long time so the dates are messed up, it's quite a few Fridays ago now.
Patchie's vet recently moved to a new place so it's bigger and nicer now. I do really like her vet but I don't like having a reason to bring Patchie there because it's never good when you have to see your doctor. I do bring her for checkups and vaccinations once or twice a year though. Other than that I really don't want to have to bring her there.
Here's Patchie having her little bum checked. Apparently what she had was an anal gland abscess. I shan't go into the details of what it is, but if you're interested you can Google to read more about it. I don't recommend googling the photos of it though, might be quite bloody. The vet says it can happen to any dog or cat, and you can't really prevent it, which is quite worrisome.
Anyway, the vet gave Patchie an antibiotic injection because I told her she hates it when I try to feed her pills and she gets really upset when I force her. Patchie's pretty good with injections, she doesn't flinch or anything. I think when she was a kitten and I brought her for her first vaccination (third vaccine for her but first after I got her since they gave her two before putting her up for adoption) when she was more or less 4 months old, she did make a "ow" sound but that was the only time and she was still a tiny baby.
After that the vet gave her an Elizabethan collar aka cone of shame and said to leave it on for at least five days. She also gave me antiseptic with instructions to clean Patchie's wound twice a day.
She hated that cone. It made her so miserable that it made me upset too, seeing her like that. Patchie was really cooperative when I wanted to clean her wound though. It obviously hurt because she always flinched, but she never made any sound and never moved away, she just let me clean it.
Patchie had the cone on for a week because I got home from church the Saturday after, and apparently my mom had removed the cone that afternoon. She was so happy and I'm happy that she's my happy baby again. Now she's just bald where the wound was because her fur there had fallen off. Shall not include a photo of that because her poopie hole is just beside where the wound was. She might sue me.
Little miserable baby but here's happy Patchie again!
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Been awake for almost 23 hours, but I just can't sleep.
Loving someone means giving them your heart, trusting them to not break it..
Today.