❤ Thursday, December 19, 2013
Truly thankful to God for B in my life. He makes me feel so loved and blessed, even when we're just doing nothing in particular. He takes care of me when I'm sick and always does his best to make me happy. When I fall he's always there to pick me up and encourage me, he always knows what to say to make me feel better. Even when we quarrel we still want to be together. We still want to be together even if it means it's just us against the world. If we could we'd go away together, to start a new life where nobody would bother us. I'm thankful to God for everything we have. I'm looking forward to the best future together with B ❤
❤
Goodbye, little one. You were always a joy in our lives and we'll never ever forget you. You were gone too soon but we're thankful we were able to love you at your best. You were such a free spirited angel that it was really painful seeing you not being able to move about freely. But you're free now, no more pain and suffering. Thank you for all the happy memories. I will miss you. Very much. ♡
❤ Monday, December 16, 2013
Still feeling down about what happened. I'm not very good at handling rejection am I?
All I keep thinking about is do they not like me? Is that why? I know I'm not the best at socializing but I did my best and pushed myself way out of my comfort zone. I was feeling good when I left the place that day. I don't understand why.
I've always been very self-conscious and worried about what people think about me. And this has just made it worse. I can't help but wonder if they didn't like me..
I'm very sad but I'm trying to look on the good side. That now I won't be doing anything that could risk my baby P's health. She's most important to me. Not money. Not a job. But I am still sad because I wanted to work there so badly. It's okay. B always tells me that God has something even better for me. Definitely something that won't risk baby P's health. I'll get my life straight and better things will come..
❤ Sunday, December 15, 2013
Feels as if I lost my purpose in life.. :'(
❤ Sunday, December 8, 2013
This weekend has been kind of depressing. What was supposed to be a happy Saturday didn't turn out so great. It makes me sad. I keep a lot of it in, simply because words can't make sense of it.
Or perhaps it wouldn't make sense to anyone but me.
It is really true that when you love someone it allows them to hurt you. Even family can hurt you. Especially family. You grow up with them, love them with all your heart. And when they hurt you, you can't even get away from them because they're always going to be in your life no matter what.
Time and time again when I experience the same thing I tell myself perhaps it's time to take myself out of the picture, to let them be. But I grew up with her, I really love her a lot and it makes me sad to just give up, let them be and watch them slowly take away what we once had, even if maybe most of it is already gone.
The most painful part is knowing that you have watch, you can never get away from them because they are
family. They're always going to be here and I'm always going to feel miserable watching them.
It makes me really depressed, really. It's like watching your partner getting closer to someone, watching them have what you once had, and you wish you could just get yourself out because you're miserable, but you don't want to leave because then that other person would be even happier to have your partner all to themselves. Exactly like that.
In situations like that you would the only thing to do is try and win their heart back, to get back what you had. I tried, I did. But when that other person spends more time with your partner than you do, and there's nothing you can do about it even if you tried your hardest, it's really painful.
Sometimes it feels like I'm always trying harder. You know what it's like when you realise the person you care so much about doesn't care just as much about you?
I ask myself why I even bother. But I do know the answer. I'm still holding on to what we once had when we were children. When we were growing up together and we were inseparable, just the two of us. I wish she knew.
I also know that by tomorrow morning I'll feel extremely stupid about my emotional post but it is what it is.
Not everyday is a happy day and that's the fact.
The most painful part is knowing that you have watch, you can never get away from them because they are
family. They're always going to be here and I'm always going to feel miserable watching them.
It makes me really depressed, really. It's like watching your partner getting closer to someone, watching them have what you once had, and you wish you could just get yourself out because you're miserable, but you don't want to leave because then that other person would be even happier to have your partner all to themselves. Exactly like that.
In situations like that you would the only thing to do is try and win their heart back, to get back what you had. I tried, I did. But when that other person spends more time with your partner than you do, and there's nothing you can do about it even if you tried your hardest, it's really painful.
Sometimes it feels like I'm always trying harder. You know what it's like when you realise the person you care so much about doesn't care just as much about you?
I ask myself why I even bother. But I do know the answer. I'm still holding on to what we once had when we were children. When we were growing up together and we were inseparable, just the two of us. I wish she knew.
I also know that by tomorrow morning I'll feel extremely stupid about my emotional post but it is what it is.
Not everyday is a happy day and that's the fact.