It's been more than 3 years. Here I am.
Reading old posts feel so bittersweet.
To be reminded of how sweet and loving you used to be to me,
breaks my heart that things aren't like that anymore.

You used to come surprise me with caramel frapp when you did something that made me angry or upset, remember? You used to keep wanting to hold me, hold my hand or baobao me whenever we were in a fight or when I was angry because you knew that would make me feel better. Even when I was really angry and resisted, you insisted on wanting to hold me. You didn't give up so easily.

Now, when you do something to make me upset or angry, you're the one who gets even angrier, and you don't even bother to wipe my tears or hold me anymore. You've stopped trying, you've stopped caring.

I remember once telling Sufen that you never ever got angry at me. That I was the one who tended to get mad. I felt so happy and lucky that you loved me so much to never get mad at me.

Now, things are so different. Whenever we fight, you never hesitate to tell me to fuck off, to tell me that you don't want to be with me anymore.
After hearing you say that to me so many times, I feel like this relationship has no more value to you.
I feel like you don't find anything in me or in us worth holding on to, that every time a conflict arises you use that as a reason to leave. Time and time again I beg you to stay, give in to your demands just to make you stay. I think you know in your heart that I would do anything to make you stay, that I would give up anything just to be with you.

But even though in the end you agree to stay, I never feel like I've won you back. I never feel the happiness or victory at having gotten you to stay.
Instead I feel so defeated. So defeated that once again I've allowed myself to be the weak one,
for you to have the power over me seeing that I would do anything to be with you.
I feel defeated because afterwards you'd still continue to be mad at me, even though I wasn't the one
who lied, or hid something from you, or was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.
I apologise for making you angry, for causing you unhappiness, because all I want is for you to stop
being angry at me and to love me.

I feel angry at myself for allowing it to once again seem like I was the one who was supposed to
appease you, to comfort you, to chase after you and apologise to you to make things better between us.
You could say that I don't have to because nobody asked me to. But the fact is that if I didn't make the effort to go after you, to appease you, to try and put you in a better mood, you're no longer the person
who used to come after me and surprise me with a caramel frapp at night or force me to hold hands with you or baobao you.
THe fact is that if I didn't do all that, if I didn't make the effort to win you back, you wouldn't bother
and there would be nobody holding this relationship together anymore.

The thing is, throughout all this, I don't hate you. I don't blame you.
I don't know if you're not caring about me on purpose, so I don't blame you.
Funny thing is after every fight I hate myself. I hate myself because I feel like I'm not good enough.
I feel like I'm not good enough that's why you talk to other girls. That's why you lie to me, that's why
you're ashamed of showing them you have a girlfriend. That's why you never bring me out to introduce me to your friends. That's why I know none of the people in your life.
You've said many times before that it's not that I'm not good enough, that it has nothing to do with any of that.
But if I was good enough why would you talk to other girls behind my back?
Why would you let them think you didn't have a girlfriend?
It broke my heart when Adele told me she saw you with another girl.
Sure, you told me there was nothing going on.
But not having anything going on doesn't mean it's right for you to lie to me and meet some
girl behind my back and hiding it from me.
Would you have done this in the past? You know in your heart that in the past you would never, ever
have done something like that me.
I never mentioned to you before, the cleanser and makeup remover I found in the cupboard that you hid.
Every time I think about that my heart breaks. I don't know where they came from, who the girl is that they belonged to, or why you're still preciously keeping them to the point that you actually hid them. I'm afraid to know the truth.

There are so many things that I don't ask about.
Because I know asking will never get me the truth anyway.
You'll just lie to me and I'll feel even worse knowing that you're not being honest to me.
I don't understand what went wrong.
Why did things change so drastically in 2015. What made you change into this heartless,
emotionless, dishonest person.
You stopped being so loving to me, you stopped being expressive to me, you stopped trying to make me happy whenever I was upset.
Now when I'm angry or upset you just scold me or ignore me.
What happened that made you feel that it was okay for you to be out with another girl behind my back, or hide her belongings in your cupboard, or text other girls because you were bored?
What happened that made you lose the conscience that used to tell you you couldn't do that to me?

I was so heartbroken finding that you lied about deleting your account on that app.
How I felt when I saw your profile picture was a photo that I had just taken on Monday, when
we were having your birthday dinner.
How I felt seeing that you'd put your name in Korean.
I sat in Jem for hours, with my cap pulled down low on my face sobbing to myself because I
felt so heartbroken. I felt like I didn't know who you were anymore. I felt like I'd lost the person
who once loved me so much with all his heart.

Is it because I'm boring and Chinese? That's why you chose to be texting other girls because you
were bored? Or because I'm not the person you see yourself being with?
I'm not attractive enough? Not attractive in the way you want?
That's why you find them more interesting than me?

I don't know what changed in 2015. I'm still the same old person who loved you in 2011.
My love for you has never changed.
Despite everything I love you more than ever. And I don't understand why it's not enough.
Why is my love not enough to make you want to love me better and stop doing things that you know
would hurt me?
Why is it that to you it's okay to do anything you want as long as you're not cheating?
Why is it that you feel that it's okay for you to lie and hide things from me or talk to other girls behind my back as long as you're not really cheating?
Do you not see that lying and hiding things from me are also wrong?
Do you not see that going out with other girls behind my back is also wrong?
Or that texting other girls because you were bored is also wrong?

It's funny that despite you doing all those things to me,
I find myself constantly being crushed my own self-esteem thinking that it's all because
I'm not good enough, that I'm undeserving of your honesty and love.
I feel like I'm the one at fault, I'm the one forcing you to be with me when you just want
to leave every time you get the chance to.
I feel like I'm making you stay each time. That you don't actually have any reason to want to be with me.

Do you remember that I used to tell you something?
There was one time we were fighting years and years ago and I said to you,
no matter how you treat me I still want to be with you.
And you felt heartbroken over me saying that and you told me not to say that.
And you immediately held me in your arms and sayang me.

I'm still that girl. That girl who said she'd still want to be with you no matter how you treat her.
Of course I still am, otherwise I wouldn't still be here each time, asking you to please don't leave me.
But you don't feel heartbroken over hurting me anymore right? I know that.
Now each time when I catch you lying or doing something you shouldn't be doing,
instead of realising your mistakes and feeling remorseful, you just tell yourself to do better and
find other ways to not get caught anymore.

I know you know how much I love you. That's why you don't think twice about hurting me or
doing anything behind my back. Because you know no matter what you do that hurts me, I
would always still be here, asking to be with you, asking for us to stop fighting,
asking you to please just love me.

Everybody knows how much I love you. Every single person in my life knows.
Everyone knows how much I'd be willing to give to be with you.
So there's no way you don't know. There's no way you wouldn't feel my love for you everyday.
The truth is that Jamie's heart will always and forever want to be with you no matter how hurt it is, no matter how broken it gets.

But this time I feel so dejected. I feel thoroughly defeated. I don't know how to try and make
you love me anymore. I don't know how to try and keep this relationship together on my own anymore.
But I also am fully aware that my heart isn't capable of letting you go, because I want so badly to
keep this little family alive and together. I want so desperately to be Mrs Jamie Daniel.

I'm not going to try and make you see how heartbroken or hurt I am by your actions anymore.
I'm not going to because I know you no longer feel guilty over hurting me.
You don't feel the desire to hold me or baobao me when I'm upset or angry anymore.
And I don't want to try because I know this hope will just kill me more inside with the disappointment of reality.

You may tell me that the things you say when we fight are just things you said when you were
angry and that you don't actually mean them.
But from the fact that you always say the same things to me when we fight I know there is some
truth in them.
You do feel that I'm stupid, that I'm annoying and irritating, that I'm causing you so much unhappiness.

From that, I feel like I'm really forcing you to stay when you don't want to.
I'm forcing you to continue being in this relationship with me.
So I'm going to stop. I'll let you try, if you will. I hope you do.
I want more than anything to feel your love for me again.
If you don't end up making any more effort, I guess I'll accept it and let you go.

The only way I could ever leave you is if I force myself to physically leave.
To force myself to let you go. To disappear from your life.
So I never have to say all these things to you, because I don't have the courage to tell you how I feel
because I know you'll just get mad at me or annoyed at me. And you'll feel that I'm telling you
how I feel to make you feel bad or to blame you for everything.
I do want you to know all these, not to blame you for anything, but in the hopes that telling you all
this would open your eyes and make you see just how much I truly love you and how much I wish for you to stop hurting me and just love me better than you used to.
So if you ever get to read this, it means I've done it. I've found a way to force myself to disappear
from your life. Temporarily, or permanently, I don't know.

If you are reading this, I want you to know this:
I love you more than anything or anyone in this world. It's true.
The reason I left was not because I didn't want to be with you anymore.
It just hurt too much to not feel you love me anymore.
The only reason I left was because I want to feel you want me once again, to feel you love me again,
to feel you forcing me to hold your hand, to feel you forcing me to sit in your lap so you could baobao me because you know that's how to make me feel your love.
I didn't leave from not wanting to be with you. So if you, deep in your heart, still feel that you love me, that you still want to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me, then please, don't let me go.
Find me, and force me to feel your love once again. Because that's what I wish desperately for;
to feel your love again.

I know you'll wonder, if you'd caused me so much pain, why am I still telling you to ask me to be with you? Because no matter how broken my heart is, I still always have that hope that you'd
find it in your conscience to stop doing all that and stop lying to me and love me with all your heart once again.

So I plead you. If you still love me, don't let me go. Today you said you promised you'll never ever let me go no matter what. You used to tell me that as long as we love each other we can overcome any obstacle in life together, remember?

If you don't end up coming to ask me to be with you again, I pray that I will find a way to survive losing the love of my life, that I will be able to find the will to stay alive and face the pain on my own. If you don't end up coming to look for me, I want to thank you for teaching me how to love
with all my heart, for giving me all the blissful, happy moments that I hold on to everyday in the hopes that we will be that happy together once again. And I'm truly sorry that in your pursuit of
other things in this world, I wasn't good enough to be one that you felt worthy enough to hold on to.
If you decide to never come get me back, at least I can say I've loved you more than the best I could ever love, and that I've done everything I could to make you love me, and the only regret I have is that I'll never be your Mrs Daniel.

I think as each day passes something that's always bothered me at the back of my mind begins to tap at me more often than I'd like. I don't really want to grow up. I still feel very much like a kid and I'm not ready to leave childhood behind. I enjoyed my childhood. I've always strongly felt with all my heart that if I could turn back time I would turn time back to the 90's, when I was born and where I grew up in. Those were the happy days. Mummy, Dad, Sis and I. Things aren't exactly unhappy now, but they're not the same anymore. Sis isn't here to buy me little sweets anymore. The 90's will always be my favourite time. Growing up then is so different from how kids grow up now in this generation. I can't really imagine what the future will be like, what being a real adult would be like.. I love my mom a lot and I can't imagine her ever being any other way. I don't want to lose her and I don't want her to grow old. There are a lot of things I'd give to have time turned back to when I was a kid and Mummy would bring me everywhere. I really wish I could have time freeze right there, so I'd never have to leave her side. Sometimes I wish I could tell her how much I love her and how much I want to go back to those moments..

That first anniversary is my favourite of all. That was our one and only staycation to date. And the other anniversaries were never as good. Sometimes I wonder if it was just that first one that was special. Maybe that's why he doesn't bother with surprisingly me like that anymore. The first birthday was the best too. When he surprised me by being downstairs. I think back and there's always a bittersweet feeling in my heart.

It's like being forced to open a door I've kept locked for all these years. A tiny little part of me was re-broken today. Maybe a bigger part than I dare to admit. I don't think I can ever adequately explain how I feel or why this is happening, but I feel that I need to do this for myself to force a closure on this. I think there are a handful of things in life that stay with you forever. Death and love being two of them. Time goes on, life moves on, but some things just follow you everywhere, because they're very much a part of you. Time and life really makes you get used to those parts being with you, so much so that most of the time you forget that they're even there. In fact, sometimes such a long time has passed that you think that those parts have gone, because you don't really feel them anymore. But things happen, and they're like a sharp poke or even a stab at those parts of you. And only when you feel the pain that you realize you were never rid of them after all. They're the scars that are forced open, scars that have become a part of your skin that you forget about their presence on your body after some time. The first time they became wounds, you spent a long time trying to get them to heal, hoping and hoping they don't form ugly scars that serve as unwanted reminders. Despite your best efforts they still leave a mark. A mark on you, a mark on your life. They go wherever you go. Occasionally bringing a silence in your heart when you spot them whilst completely minding your own business. And then the scars get reopened. They hurt, a pain you haven't felt since the first time they scarred over. You know eventually they'll heal again, you already know for sure they're going to leave a mark, but at the moment while it's healing it hurts. And there's nothing you can do about it. Only time can. I know I've moved on. If I was given a choice I wouldn't give up what I have now to go back. But behind the little door I've kept locked tightly for all these years was forces open today. I looked behind that door for the first time in a long time. And really, it does bring me a lot of sadness. These tears, I can't explain them. But I know this has to be the last time I'll ever cry for that little part of me. Just this time. Let me grieve over this one last time.

We build walls around the hurt we don't trust anyone to heal, In the hopes that doing so will numb the pain we don't want to feel.

Really sick of getting upset over things that happen on Facebook. There's just so many things I want to say about it but what's the point? I can blatantly write on his wall, he wouldn't respond until I ask him about it, But he can reply to people so quickly when they message him. Sick of always having to worry why he's deleting conversations. I hate Facebook, I honestly do. He can like and comment on other people's posts, but didn't even realize when I deactivated my account the last time. I give up, I really do. No more.

This just makes me sad. I really envy girls who get to do that. I don't even know why I tried to ask or bring it up. Because I knew exactly what would be said. From the beginning I've always been the suffer in silence kind of person. In recent years that has changed, but I think some things are still better kept to myself. It's for the exact same reasons as the past. Voicing things out didn't get me what I wished, didn't solve anything, only brought me the disappointment I knew I'd get. It's much simpler if I kept it to myself, feel sad and disappointed on my own, and get over it until the next time the situation surfaces. At least I wouldn't have to face the reality of the disappointment if it's just in head. I will smile like I always do.

I think when it comes to relationships it's so easy to complain when things don't go well, but we always forget to be thankful for the happy moments. Since B's been away for twelve days, well it's not twelve days yet he'll be back on Sunday night, I've been missing him a lot. I feel really thankful for our relationship and our love for each other because I hear of relationships around me or even on social media, and somehow they make me realise just how blessed I am for B and what we have. It's very easy to give up on someone or a relationship. After all it's human instinct to get away when things don't look good. But nobody is perfect, there's never going to be someone who's completely perfect. It is hard to find someone who loves you the way you want to be loved, or who loves you more than that. I did and I am beyond thankful for that. It makes me feel sheepish saying all of this but I believe in counting my blessings. B and I don't have a perfect relationship because we're not perfect people. But when you can feel perfectly blissful in an imperfect place, you know it's where you're meant to be.

I feel awful. Physically, mentally, emotionally. At first when I started purging I didn't think it was a big deal. I don't even do it often, or so I think. Over the past two months I've probably only purged four times. But I feel that it's beginning to affect me more than I thought it would. Initially I just saw it as an easy release. I just ate too much at one go and I felt guilty, I didn't want all those calories in my body so that's what I did. I didn't think much of it. I always have the desire to eat, but I thought I was always like that so it wasn't a problem. But now I know it's not normal. And purging has caused me to lose interest in so many things. I feel awful, I don't like my body, I don't feel confident, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to step out of the house, I don't even feel like having sex. I didn't know why I suddenly felt that way. Until a few minutes ago when I googled purging and low sexual desires and apparently there really is a link. That explains everything I've been feeling for the past month. Now I feel even more awful. I'm starting to feel scared. I want to say I can control my appetite and I wanna say I can convince myself not to purge, but the last couple of times I tried I didn't succeed. Somehow I tell myself "It's okay, just do it. No big deal." Until now I've realized how much it's been affecting me physically that I'm scared. I'm scared because I don't know what to do. I'm not sick I don't have bulimia! I don't. I don't even do it regularly. So I'm not, right? I want to feel happy again. I want to feel normal. I don't like how I'm feeling recently. I just don't know what to do..

Miserable. I feel miserable. Twelve days. It isn't a long time in theory but when you're waiting for something twelve days is a long time. B's on the plane now. Probably sleeping. I miss him so badly and thinking about the following twelve days makes me panic a little. I really wish I could go to bed, wake up and have it be next Tuesday. At least five days feel a little less scary. Then I would go to bed, wake up and have it be next Sunday already. I wish I could go to bed and only wake up next Sunday to be honest. It's strange because twelve days isn't the longest time we've had to be apart. I think the longest was about sixteen or seventeen days. But I wasn't even so upset then. Maybe it's because that seventeen days wasn't anybody's choice, we could only go along with it because it had to be done. But these twelve days is different. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel left behind. I really feel left behind. I can't help but resent this. Resent everybody. I hate this. This is difficult for me. Nobody understands it. Not even him. To everybody else twelve days is just a few days, just a short period of time. But nobody sees that he's all the support I have. He's one of the two reasons I get out of bed everyday. The other reason being Patchie. But he's my pillar of support. These twelve days are a holiday to him. But for me it feels crippling. Nobody will ever understand how I feel. Now I feel like he's left me here while he goes to enjoy somewhere else. I can't help but resent that. I can't help but feel helpless. I try not to think about it but what do I do now? Nothing makes me feel better. I just want him to come back so everything can be okay again. I know it's selfish of me but I really don't know what to do without him. Feel like just keeping myself at home because I feel so depressed. I can't help it. Being alone has always been how I deal with things when I'm upset. Going out just emphasizes how lonely I feel, because I won't be going out with him and going home alone is something I dread so much, especially when it's dark outside after evenings. It's just difficult for me to deal with things on my own..

I hate myself when I have to stick my finger down my throat. It feels terrible and it makes me look like a mess with my eyes tearing, nose running and a sore jaw.
I don't do it very much, only when I binge snack which makes me feel horrible. I don't want to get fat.
I have a phobia of gaining weight. I know I'm not fat but somehow in my head I think my legs look fat.
Maybe they do. I'm just scared of being fat.
Somedays I binge eat. Today was one of them. I just couldn't stop eating. I ate so much. I just had to get it out of me or I'll think I'll get fat.
Why do I eat so much? I just want to be skinny. This depresses me.

Note to self: Seems like I've gone a bit too far tonight. I was about to go to bed so I went to the toilet and when I looked into the mirror, to my horror there are little red specks around my eyes! I thought they were because of my recent change in face wash and efforts in using a moisturizer every night, but after some googling it turns out those little red specks are broken blood vessels caused by the force of throwing up. I don't know whether or not to feel relieved that my skin is fine or to feel horrified that I did this to myself. Please stop. Oh dear. I'm going to get into so much trouble if B finds out :/ >.< :"(

It's 5am and I'm awake, dealing with myself.
I think best at night, but it's not always a good thing.

I don't talk about my feelings a lot. Even to B.
Maybe because nobody asks. I don't feel like anybody is interested to find out how I'm doing inside.
A lot of things make me happy. But a lot of things make me sad.
And when it comes to feelings, many people don't understand.
Happy things don't take the sad things away.
You can't just tell someone that her sadness is uncalled for when she has so many happy things in life.
Happy things are good. They make you smile, they make you feel blessed.
But one thing they don't do is take your sadness away.
It's not a war between happiness and sadness.
I think it's more like the sun and moon.
They both happen, they both make you feel different things.
But they don't outweigh each other. They just.. Exist.

It's April. And all my life there's only one thing I think about when April rolls around the corner.
My birthday. But this year, how I wish it wouldn't come.
I wish April hadn't come. I wish my birthday wouldn't come.
23 more days. What am I going to do?
I truly feel like nobody cares. I hide how I feel because I just can't face it.
I know there's no point expressing how I feel.
I already know what's going to be said to me. And all I can say it, none of it makes me feel better.
None of it will make me feel better. NONE.

Almost two weeks. Funny how emotions create different perspectives. 23 days seem really fast when you're dreading it. But almost two weeks seem like it's a terribly long time to have to go through.
Whenever I think of it I feel a little panic growing in my heart. I literally feel it physically.
I push it away everyday. But I know I can't run away from it.
As the day gets closer I feel all the more dreadful.

What's the point though? Nobody asks how I feel about it. Nobody wants to know.
Not even B. He's just avoiding it. I know. When the time comes he's just going to say that time will past really quickly, he'll text me, he'll call me, he'll see what he can buy for me.
Screw that. I don't want any of that. I'd rather he not leave and not get anything.
Again, none of that makes me feel better. So why do I bother pretending to accepting what he'll say? Why do I bother nodding and saying okay? Because it's easier that way, isn't it? Take it in, keep it in, at least one of us will be happy.
Is there a point in me showing how upset I am? He'll say why would you be like that when I'm about to go? I'm about to leave for almost two weeks and is this how you want me to leave when you're unhappy? It's all a lie, really. Even if I don't show it he knows it. He just doesn't care to know how bad it is.
At the end of the day it'll all get brushed aside. He'll happily go and I'll be here. Stuck with myself. Being upset. Nobody said life was fair. I can only keep it in.

I don't cry in front of my parents. A lot of the things they say and do hurt me. They don't do it intentionally. They just don't consider my feelings. I keep it all in too. I don't tell anyone about it. Only the person who caused a pain can fix that pain. That's what I've learned. You can't fix what someone else caused. You can only do your best to treat it. Treating isn't curing.

What happens to people who keep everything in and don't ever let it out? I don't ever blow up on my parents. I think that's a miracle on its own huh? I just keep telling myself, 'just get used to it.' The things is, I should have gotten used to it by now. But I'm not. Every single day it hurts. And every single day I give myself a pained smile and say, 'It's okay.' It's not okay. I know inside that it's not okay. I'm not okay. Nothing is okay.

As the days go by I just wonder. What happens to people like me? Really. What happens to people like me? I just want to lead an average life and be.. Less sad. I don't even dare to use the word 'happy' anymore. I would like to happy. But nobody is always happy. I just want to have nothing to have to keep in. I don't want to hide so many things inside. But I don't have a choice. I wish I had help. But nobody can. You can't fix what someone else broke.
Nobody said life was fair. But nobody said life was this unfair.

Why me? Am I the problem? Do I deserve all this? Perhaps I do. Why else would nobody care enough to help understand my feelings? Maybe I deserve to be like this. To secretly cry myself to sleep, wake up and tell myself, "It's okay" for another day and put on smiles for everyone?

Some nights, when I allow myself to, I cry.
When I'm alone and I cry, I don't have to be afraid anyone would see or hear me.
I'll let everything I've been keeping inside out, and cry and cry.
But no matter how much I cry, how hard I cry, how much tears I shed, the pain never goes away.
The pain is always there. Always reminding me cruelly of the emotionally hole in my heart.
In my heart I know, nobody and nothing can ever possibly make up for your absence.
Nothing takes the hurt away.

But crying makes me tired. Really tired. I'd always fall asleep right after, even though I'd be bothered by tons of snot and a blocked nose. And potentially a migraine.

Tonight I'm tired. Very snotty and I've got a migraine. But this pain in my heart, it just won't go away.

Sick of hearing about people going overseas.
Yes, yes you say that I was the one who chose not to go.
So what's the point in me saying anything? Nobody would understand.

I chose not to go because not only did I not want to leave Patchie behind,
But I also didnt want to leave him behind.

But now it seems like I'm the only one who cares to do that.
I don't want to leave anyone behind but everyone leaves ME behind.

Sick of hearing people plan for their trips. Sick of people yabbering on about how their trip went. Sick of hearing people tell me about where they're planning to go. Sick of hearing how excited they are. Sick of this shit.

I guess to everyone else my feelings are either insignificant or non-existent.

Two weeks. Hurray.

13 days.. 13 days is a long time to be left behind.
Everyone else gets to go somewhere and I'm just getting left behind here.
I don't even know why I'm sad. It's not like I'm scared or worried.
Maybe it's the thought that he could actually be happy somewhere without me that scares me..
Maybe it's because I don't get to go along.
Maybe this is just the feeling of getting left behind.
I don't really know. I'm just sad. Really sad.

Thinking about the future scares me.
Who knows what could happen when he starts school?
I didn't know what could happen when I started school years ago.
And yet this happened and the worst part of it all is I'm thankful this happened because I love B.
I'm so afraid of losing him to someone else.
If that happens I'll really get left behind.
Left behind in the past, left behind in memories, left behind in everything..
The fact that I see the world as a cruel place where unpredictable things happen that snatch my loved ones away is scary. Where is God in this?
It almost feels like this world relishes in the joy of taking things from people and sending misery straight into the depths of our hearts. Where is God in this?

I think the most cruel part of it all is having to put a smile on my face because I don't feel like I'm allowed to wallow in all this despair.
Having to smile and nod when inside no matter what is said to me, even with the best intentions, I know will not make me feel better. Or not for long anyway.

Sometimes you just get used to a certain kind of sadness.

I just want to travel the world so badly..

Sometimes you feel so worthless you just wanna stuff lots of food into your mouth and hope you choke to death. Yes.

Sometimes I feel like when you become a constant in someone's life, they begin to overlook your requests and needs because they seem to know you're always going to be there no matter how they neglect you..

2013 has gone into history! I can't believe that 2013 is already over and it's now 2014.