Long-lost Hair Update
❤ Friday, September 27, 2013
A couple of weeks ago I finally went for my what-seems-to-be-annual haircut.
Not happy to find that the usual salon I got to has increased their cut+wash+blow from what I remembered was about $35 to a freaking $50. That is one hell of a difference there.
AND I found out that the guy who had cut my hair twice before is no longer working there. I paid $50 to get a risky haircut, not good.
Thankfully it turned out not bad, overall the layers are a little shorter than what I usually get. It's for the better I guess, since I always get too lazy to go for a haircut and my hair just grows really long.
Somehow the photos I took of my hair just after getting it cut are no longer in my phone. I guess I've transferred them to my laptop and deleted them so I shall steal from my Instagram.
The hairstylist blow-dried waves into my hair and I quite like it. I usually do my waves with a curling iron which is more time consuming and the effect probably doesn't last very long even with hairspray. Now if only I bother blow-drying waves into my hair. I'm not into the stick-straight hair/rebonded look. The last time I rebonded my hair was when I was 14 I think. That was seven years ago, wow. My natural hair is pretty straight while curving in slightly at the ends which I like actually, since I like the straight-but-not-stick-straight look. I notice that the shorter my hair gets the more it curves in at the ends so my hair gets more body in the first few months of getting a haircut, until it grows really long and straightens out.
Note to self: Stop procrastinating haircuts and also find a new place to get a haircut the next time. $50 is not pocket-friendly.
❤ Sunday, September 15, 2013
Some nights you're just singing your favourite song in bed, and you end up crying in the dark, singing that song while tears roll off your face and onto your pillow..
One of those nights.
"Are you watching me?"
❤ Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Here I am, watching videos on my laptop, and I happily started eating my hot Cheetos. A little while later, my phone tings, I got some texts from B on Whatsapp.
I decided to continue munching on Cheetos because I didn't wanna stop eating them. I am seriously addicted it's almost a problem. After a minute or two (actually it was four, I checked), I finally looked at what B texted me and the last one was:
'Are you eating Cheetos?'
o.o
How did he know? I literally only picked up the Cheetos a while before he texted me asking that.
I don't think I should go into details about my Flamin' Hot Cheetos addiction but I'm just gonna say I love them. Love is probably an understatement, let's be real here. Not gonna lie, any other snack I eat now just PALES in comparison. 'How do I get better once I've had the best?' Katy Perry knew what she was saying when she wrote those lyrics.
Let's see how long I'll take to get over this addiction.
❤ Monday, September 2, 2013
Sometimes you just cruise along in life, but some days you really think about stuff.
You know what really scares me? Thinking about the unknown — the future. It doesn't even really have to be very far into the future. I'm even afraid of thinking about the end of this year.
For the first time in my life I am not looking forward to Christmas and really, if you asked me I'd want to spend Christmas on my own and with just the people I love this year.
When I was younger I hated Chinese New Year because my relatives would always ask about my studies and my grades, now when I'm older I thought I didn't have to go through that anymore but alas, I have to go through something similar with B's relatives now.
My relatives don't really ask me anything now well maybe because I hardly ever see them. But now instead of being asked about my studies I'm being asked about what I'm doing with my life.
I feel like every single time I'm being asked that, it's God's way of shaming me into doing something.
To be honest I really don't know what I want to do.
If you knew me in person you'd know that I'm a really passionate person. I love everything existing in my life (i.e people, Patchie, family, food, things I do regularly) because if I don't LOVE-LOVE it, I won't have it. Passion is something that drives me and I will not settle for something that I'm not passionate about. I just can't.
And right now, I either a) have passion for things I can't do or b) have no passion for anything plausible. Life sucks.
I don't get how people get a job just for the sake of getting one when they hate that job. I would never be able to bring myself out of the house everyday to do something I don't like that most probably isn't even worth the pay in my eyes.
I really don't know what to do. What do I do? I'm really just a kid living in a 21-year-old's body. I'm not ready to deal with people judging me for not doing anything with my life. To them my life is just pointless, because I have no real goals about it, but to me I'm happy and I find a point in doing everything I do everyday. Nobody understands. I don't know how to deal with everything.
To be completely honest sometimes thinking about the future scares me so much that I think about taking the easy way out. But taking the easy way out is something that has been a sensitive topic since last year. I want a happy future, but the thought of getting there is so daunting. I don't know what to do..
What do I do?
❤ Monday, August 12, 2013
Sometimes people make promises just to make you happy..
When the time comes for them to do what they said they would, they expect you to be understanding as to why they can't, otherwise you'd be being unreasonable.
If that's the case, why did you make that promise in the first place?
This is why I keep a lot of things to myself, pretend I've forgotten about them. I don't ever forget. I never forget.
It's a lot easier to keep it in, at least you can convince yourself you're still waiting for it to happen. If you bring it up, you're just setting yourself up for that 'please understand or else you're being unreasonable' conversation. I can't put myself through those conversations that I know would happen. I'll keep it to myself. Maybe one day if I lose my memory, I'll forget every single thing in this painful mind..
Just the Two of Us
❤ Saturday, August 10, 2013
Went to church and sat on our own today. It honestly feels nice to sit on our own once in a while. Brings back happy memories of when we used to do that every week.
Service was nice today. It was actually one of those services when I was really awake throughout and paid attention for most of it. Partly because of the cute graphics on the screen :p
After that we went downstairs to the new Sephora outlet that just opened at Suntec and since my lip balm is almost finished, I bought the Burt's Bees lip balm to try. I chose the beeswax one as a safe option because the old Lip Pure one was an organic beeswax one too and it worked good for me. This new one has peppermint in it though so it tingles for a while after putting it on. I like it but hopefully it won't cause any allergic reaction like the ton of unfinished lip balms I own that did.
We weren't hungry so went to Fort Canning for some quiet time. Went to PS Cafe at Palais Renaissance to have dessert since we didn't want dinner. We were still full from having eaten at Din Tai Fung before going to service. This was the first time B brought me for dessert even though we've been together for almost 2 and a half years. I got my usual Golden Banana Butterscotch Cake, B got Banana Mango Crumble and we also got Truffle Fries to snack on. Yummy!
I love anything caramel-/butterscotch-ish. Their vanilla ice cream is yummy too.
B's came with vanilla ice cream too. The Crumble was yummy on top but B said the bottom was weird. I only tasted the top crumble bit so I don't know how the inside was like.
Their truffle fries of course, is always yummy. With Parmesan cheese and parsley sprinkled on top. So good! I love the taste of truffle.
We had a nice quiet time eating and chatting before B slowly drove me home. I do love talking to B, especially in the car, especially when he parks it somewhere and we just sit inside and talk. I felt so sad as he accompanied me upstairs. I just couldn't bear to go home. Saying goodbye has been really tough recently because our plans have become uncertain now. It makes me sad.
Thank you for bringing me for dessert, Baby. You always do your best to make me happy.
He just called me to sing me Soft Kitty over the phone aww! ❤ It's 4.09am! Hearing his voice makes me so happy.
I'm really sleepy. Time to sleep. Goodnight!
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Some things make you lose your self-worth. I just want to lie in bed and cry, I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't want to eat, I don't want to take care of myself, I can't be bothered to put on makeup properly because no matter what I do it'll always be ugly. Every time I look into the mirror all I see are my bruises. Even if they disappear eventually I know I'll always see them over my eye. I can't be bothered to fix my nails. They look like crap. All I think about is that night. Maybe you can say I'm just jealous but the thing is I'd never in a million years do this to him. Never. Why be so nice to someone else and say no to me in front of everyone else? I can fake a smile and pretend it's nothing but I can't wear a smile on my face for so long. I don't understand. Why? Why am I getting punished when from the beginning I've been getting hurt? It hurts so much, I don't know how to make it go away. I don't know how to feel the way I did again. You can try to make everything outside the way it was, but on the inside I don't know how to go back again. I just want to distance myself from everyone, so I don't have to see him being nice to someone else, I don't have to care, I don't have to know, I don't have to hurt.
Looking normal is second nature to me. It always has. No matter what happened, what I feel inside, I can step out of the house looking like nothing happened. But am I unaffected? Am I over it? Every single second I'm struggling on the inside.
My cry for help is when I say what I want to do. When I keep quiet, I don't want to hold on to anything any more.
The only person who can fix you is the one who broke you..
❤ Thursday, August 8, 2013
You know you're madly in love with each other when despite all the fights and hurtful words, you're still holding on to each other and fighting circumstances to be together.
To be able to say "This makes me so sad." and "This makes me sad too." to each other and sigh at the mess we've gotten ourselves into, to still hold hands and lean our heads together with our eyes closed with the sadness of our situation, I still feel so incredibly blissful.
At least we're happy, even if everything else around us is in a mess. I'd rather this than the other way round. At least we're happy, just us against the world. Despite everything we still want each other. I'm just beyond grateful.
Happy 29th Month, Baby. We can be happy and blissful no matter what circumstance we're in. I believe that. We'll get through everything. We're going to spend the rest of our lives working on loving each other perfectly, and it's all going to be worth it. ❤ I love you so much!
Patchie had a wound :(
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Note: This has been unfinished in my drafts for a long time so the dates are messed up, it's quite a few Fridays ago now.
Patchie's vet recently moved to a new place so it's bigger and nicer now. I do really like her vet but I don't like having a reason to bring Patchie there because it's never good when you have to see your doctor. I do bring her for checkups and vaccinations once or twice a year though. Other than that I really don't want to have to bring her there.
Here's Patchie having her little bum checked. Apparently what she had was an anal gland abscess. I shan't go into the details of what it is, but if you're interested you can Google to read more about it. I don't recommend googling the photos of it though, might be quite bloody. The vet says it can happen to any dog or cat, and you can't really prevent it, which is quite worrisome.
Anyway, the vet gave Patchie an antibiotic injection because I told her she hates it when I try to feed her pills and she gets really upset when I force her. Patchie's pretty good with injections, she doesn't flinch or anything. I think when she was a kitten and I brought her for her first vaccination (third vaccine for her but first after I got her since they gave her two before putting her up for adoption) when she was more or less 4 months old, she did make a "ow" sound but that was the only time and she was still a tiny baby.
After that the vet gave her an Elizabethan collar aka cone of shame and said to leave it on for at least five days. She also gave me antiseptic with instructions to clean Patchie's wound twice a day.
She hated that cone. It made her so miserable that it made me upset too, seeing her like that. Patchie was really cooperative when I wanted to clean her wound though. It obviously hurt because she always flinched, but she never made any sound and never moved away, she just let me clean it.
Patchie had the cone on for a week because I got home from church the Saturday after, and apparently my mom had removed the cone that afternoon. She was so happy and I'm happy that she's my happy baby again. Now she's just bald where the wound was because her fur there had fallen off. Shall not include a photo of that because her poopie hole is just beside where the wound was. She might sue me.
Little miserable baby but here's happy Patchie again!
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Been awake for almost 23 hours, but I just can't sleep.
Loving someone means giving them your heart, trusting them to not break it..
Today.