I've mentioned my hot Cheetos addiction before. It is now November and.. I'm still terribly addicted. I did decide to stop buying it for October so I managed to not have it for a while.
As it so happens I have fallen into my Cheetos frenzy once again.
I'm not proud of myself. After all I've honestly never had proper discipline when I comes to food. But junk food could possibly be my downfall, which means I must be cautious about it.

Hence, I have decided that I shall quit buying Cheetos once I finish the ones I currently have. I'm on my second-to-last one so I guess they shall be gone by the end of the week.
I've realized that in October, although I was almost going barmy with craving for Cheetos, I managed to survive after all. And rather than going barmy eating Cheetos and getting fat, I'd rather go barmy with cravings and NOT getting fat.
I'm completely fine if I don't have them in my possession.

Also, I'm determined to go swimming twice a week from now on. I had planned to go on Tuesday but it looked like it was going to rain. Alas, the sky pulled one on me and decided not to rain in the end after all.
So I went yesterday on Wednesday and I must say I'm very proud of myself. I don't usually go out of my way to do something for myself, especially if that something requires a whole lot of energy.
I did it though and I feel great. It was a bit of a trouble, the whole shebang of walking to the busstop, taking a bus to the pool in the evening, putting conditioner on to protect my hair from the pool water, swim my little limbs off while keeping an eye on my belongings, having to take a freezing cold shower in their shower rooms, taking the grimy bus home and taking another quick warm shower to make sure I've gotten all of the chlorine off me and conditioning my hair once again. Typing this all out is exhausting as it sounds. At least the bus ride is pretty short; I could actually walk to the pool if I bothered but why walk and sweat when I can ride there right?

Despite all that, I don't mind it at all. All over Instagram you see popular fitness accounts of people who go to the gym and work out everyday and they look great. In true, classic chronic-overachiever style I start thinking, "Hey if they can bring their once-fat arses to the gym everyday and sweat it all and lose all that weight and turn in fit goddesses, so can I take the bus to the pool twice a week and swim my fats away!" Rather than sitting here wishing I could look better, I should get up and work on it!

Mind you, I am pretty skinny and underweight. I'm not obsessed with wanting to look stick-thin because I honestly don't find that attractive at all. Besides, I have hips and boobs so I couldn't be stick-thin even if I starved myself I think. I just think I can afford to tone up whatever I have so I don't feel so awful as I do right now. I've never been one to feel confident with my body. You know what they say, 'Fake it till you make it.' But it's only so long you can convince yourself that your metabolism can keep up with the amount of Cheetos you're putting in your system everyday. I'm past puberty stage so my metabolism isn't as super as it used to be, although admittedly it is still relatively faster than the average person's. Staying up at night might also be a factor contributing to my metabolism.
I'm trying to sleep earlier but baby steps okay? Okay. What an irony it is as I'm typing this when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

I shall do my best to be kinder to my body and we'll see where this brings me. I really must hit the sack now.

Looking forward to ice skating on Friday! :D
I've never done it before and I've always wanted to try but never got the chance to. Finally!

I can't help it but thinking about Christmas this year makes me sad. I'm afraid this year my ability to feel excited for Christmas does not seem present. It genuinely makes me sad I don't know why. Of course we all know that the real significance of Christmas is Jesus but you can't deny the commercial part of it. I'm going to be spending Christmas Eve alone and I know it's my choice but it is a choice that makes me sad. I just don't want to deal with conversations that will make me feel worse than being alone on Christmas Eve.

I guess I'll pass Christmas this year. Sad but I just want to run away and disappear from everyone. Nobody seems to understand how I feel. Perhaps sometimes we get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, and it just becomes a part of us..

First of all, how do you know if you are an introvert or not? Introverts draw energy and 'recharge' by spending time on their own. It takes energy for an introvert to be with people and to socialize. By being with people they are 'giving' their energy to socialize. Extroverts, on the other hand, feel energized by interacting with people. They take in energy when they socialize and it recharges them.

One of the most common misconceptions about introverts is people often associate shyness with being an introvert. People usually think shy people are introverts and that introverts are really shy. That is not always the case. Sure, introverts are more likely to be shy when it comes to meeting new people or being in front of people they aren't too close to. But a lot of the times extroverts can be shy as well. On the other hand, some introverts are not shy when it comes to meeting people. Somehow people tend to think that someone they've just met who isn't very chatty is shy. That's not always the case. Extroverts may be shy when meeting someone new, and introverts are well capable of warming up to people quickly.

Another common thinking is that introverts are anti-social. Anti-social people can be introverts, but not all. Introverts can be anti-social, but not all. Introverts prefer to listen and observe, while extroverts prefer to be more active in socializing. Introverts look at their listening and observing as socializing too, even it they don't always contribute to conversation as much as extroverts. If you know someone who is an introvert, you may notice that sometimes he/she may go quiet after talking to people or socializing for a while. At that point it would mean that some downtime would be much appreciated. Some people mistake this as being anti-social, or might even misinterpret that as a mood swing or getting angry. Introverts take energy from themselves to socialize, so after a period of time they may feel the need to listen more and interact less.

In today's society, people see extroverts as being 'more intelligent' and are sometimes more 'prized' than introverts. What a lot of people are not aware of is introverts are not any less intelligent just because they don't have as many things to contribute to conversations or because they interact less actively with people. Introverts tend to be more aware of surroundings and people, allowing them to take in more information, oftentimes information that people usually do not notice. Because of this, they are sometimes able to be more of a 'chameleon' when it comes to portraying themselves. Depending on the company, introverts are able to behave like extroverts and with the information that they usually take in while observing, strike interesting conversations. They often notice the different behavioral traits of people around them, and are able to use what they learn to their advantage.

There are many interesting things about different personalities, more than just being introverts and extroverts. If you happen to be unsure of what your personality type is, I find the Myers Briggs personality tests to be fairly accurate. Of course, you do have to be honest when answering questions on personality tests to get a more accurate reading. I just find things of this nature to be extremely fascinating. For now though, it is goodnight.

I think sometimes I try so hard to do the 'right' or 'normal' thing and be happy, be friendly and enjoy the company of people. But after all this time, deep down inside I really wish I don't have to. I really wish I could go somewhere else, move to a place where I can start anew, where nobody knows me so I don't have to deal with anyone. 

As I am currently seated in a train I figured this would be a good opportunity to churn out a blog post. However, I have obviously not thought this through as I have no idea where this post would be going at all. 

Labels: Random Ramblings

Some days I really can't help but think life is meaningless. I shouldn't be thinking that way but really if you think about it there's really nothing in it for us. At the end of the day we die and move on and we don't get to take any more than what we brought into life.
And you can't help but wonder what we'd all be like in 20 years. I hope I'll be a happier, less confused person. Sometimes I try to convince myself that things can only get better, but it really is hard to believe.
Really, I hate admitting it but I'm not a very optimistic person. And frankly, I find over-optimistic people rather annoying. Bring your sunshine somewhere else, I personally like sitting with my stars.
Stars are like glimmer of hope in the dark of your night sky. Some of your stars shine brighter than others because they're the ones who constantly remind you to hope.
I hope I'll be in a better place in my life soon. Nights have been difficult lately. I know they say it's a process and there's no rushing it but it's tiring sometimes, when you could be fine one moment and one little thing sets you off and all of a sudden you're not so fine.
Will I ever be okay?

A couple of weeks ago I finally went for my what-seems-to-be-annual haircut. 

Labels: Hair, update

Some nights you're just singing your favourite song in bed, and you end up crying in the dark, singing that song while tears roll off your face and onto your pillow..

Here I am, watching videos on my laptop, and I happily started eating my hot Cheetos. A little while later, my phone tings, I got some texts from B on Whatsapp.
I decided to continue munching on Cheetos because I didn't wanna stop eating them. I am seriously addicted it's almost a problem. After a minute or two (actually it was four, I checked), I finally looked at what B texted me and the last one was:
'Are you eating Cheetos?'
o.o
How did he know? I literally only picked up the Cheetos a while before he texted me asking that.

I don't think I should go into details about my Flamin' Hot Cheetos addiction but I'm just gonna say I love them. Love is probably an understatement, let's be real here. Not gonna lie, any other snack I eat now just PALES in comparison. 'How do I get better once I've had the best?' Katy Perry knew what she was saying when she wrote those lyrics.

Let's see how long I'll take to get over this addiction.