Truly thankful to God for B in my life. He makes me feel so loved and blessed, even when we're just doing nothing in particular. He takes care of me when I'm sick and always does his best to make me happy. When I fall he's always there to pick me up and encourage me, he always knows what to say to make me feel better. Even when we quarrel we still want to be together. We still want to be together even if it means it's just us against the world. If we could we'd go away together, to start a new life where nobody would bother us. I'm thankful to God for everything we have. I'm looking forward to the best future together with B ❤

Goodbye, little one. You were always a joy in our lives and we'll never ever forget you. You were gone too soon but we're thankful we were able to love you at your best. You were such a free spirited angel that it was really painful seeing you not being able to move about freely. But you're free now, no more pain and suffering. Thank you for all the happy memories. I will miss you. Very much. ♡

Still feeling down about what happened. I'm not very good at handling rejection am I?
All I keep thinking about is do they not like me? Is that why? I know I'm not the best at socializing but I did my best and pushed myself way out of my comfort zone. I was feeling good when I left the place that day. I don't understand why.
I've always been very self-conscious and worried about what people think about me. And this has just made it worse. I can't help but wonder if they didn't like me..
I'm very sad but I'm trying to look on the good side. That now I won't be doing anything that could risk my baby P's health. She's most important to me. Not money. Not a job. But I am still sad because I wanted to work there so badly. It's okay. B always tells me that God has something even better for me. Definitely something that won't risk baby P's health. I'll get my life straight and better things will come..

Feels as if I lost my purpose in life.. :'(

This weekend has been kind of depressing. What was supposed to be a happy Saturday didn't turn out so great. It makes me sad. I keep a lot of it in, simply because words can't make sense of it.
Or perhaps it wouldn't make sense to anyone but me.

It is really true that when you love someone it allows them to hurt you. Even family can hurt you. Especially family. You grow up with them, love them with all your heart. And when they hurt you, you can't even get away from them because they're always going to be in your life no matter what.

I've mentioned my hot Cheetos addiction before. It is now November and.. I'm still terribly addicted. I did decide to stop buying it for October so I managed to not have it for a while.
As it so happens I have fallen into my Cheetos frenzy once again.
I'm not proud of myself. After all I've honestly never had proper discipline when I comes to food. But junk food could possibly be my downfall, which means I must be cautious about it.

Hence, I have decided that I shall quit buying Cheetos once I finish the ones I currently have. I'm on my second-to-last one so I guess they shall be gone by the end of the week.
I've realized that in October, although I was almost going barmy with craving for Cheetos, I managed to survive after all. And rather than going barmy eating Cheetos and getting fat, I'd rather go barmy with cravings and NOT getting fat.
I'm completely fine if I don't have them in my possession.

Also, I'm determined to go swimming twice a week from now on. I had planned to go on Tuesday but it looked like it was going to rain. Alas, the sky pulled one on me and decided not to rain in the end after all.
So I went yesterday on Wednesday and I must say I'm very proud of myself. I don't usually go out of my way to do something for myself, especially if that something requires a whole lot of energy.
I did it though and I feel great. It was a bit of a trouble, the whole shebang of walking to the busstop, taking a bus to the pool in the evening, putting conditioner on to protect my hair from the pool water, swim my little limbs off while keeping an eye on my belongings, having to take a freezing cold shower in their shower rooms, taking the grimy bus home and taking another quick warm shower to make sure I've gotten all of the chlorine off me and conditioning my hair once again. Typing this all out is exhausting as it sounds. At least the bus ride is pretty short; I could actually walk to the pool if I bothered but why walk and sweat when I can ride there right?

Despite all that, I don't mind it at all. All over Instagram you see popular fitness accounts of people who go to the gym and work out everyday and they look great. In true, classic chronic-overachiever style I start thinking, "Hey if they can bring their once-fat arses to the gym everyday and sweat it all and lose all that weight and turn in fit goddesses, so can I take the bus to the pool twice a week and swim my fats away!" Rather than sitting here wishing I could look better, I should get up and work on it!

Mind you, I am pretty skinny and underweight. I'm not obsessed with wanting to look stick-thin because I honestly don't find that attractive at all. Besides, I have hips and boobs so I couldn't be stick-thin even if I starved myself I think. I just think I can afford to tone up whatever I have so I don't feel so awful as I do right now. I've never been one to feel confident with my body. You know what they say, 'Fake it till you make it.' But it's only so long you can convince yourself that your metabolism can keep up with the amount of Cheetos you're putting in your system everyday. I'm past puberty stage so my metabolism isn't as super as it used to be, although admittedly it is still relatively faster than the average person's. Staying up at night might also be a factor contributing to my metabolism.
I'm trying to sleep earlier but baby steps okay? Okay. What an irony it is as I'm typing this when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

I shall do my best to be kinder to my body and we'll see where this brings me. I really must hit the sack now.

Looking forward to ice skating on Friday! :D
I've never done it before and I've always wanted to try but never got the chance to. Finally!

I can't help it but thinking about Christmas this year makes me sad. I'm afraid this year my ability to feel excited for Christmas does not seem present. It genuinely makes me sad I don't know why. Of course we all know that the real significance of Christmas is Jesus but you can't deny the commercial part of it. I'm going to be spending Christmas Eve alone and I know it's my choice but it is a choice that makes me sad. I just don't want to deal with conversations that will make me feel worse than being alone on Christmas Eve.

I guess I'll pass Christmas this year. Sad but I just want to run away and disappear from everyone. Nobody seems to understand how I feel. Perhaps sometimes we get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, and it just becomes a part of us..

First of all, how do you know if you are an introvert or not? Introverts draw energy and 'recharge' by spending time on their own. It takes energy for an introvert to be with people and to socialize. By being with people they are 'giving' their energy to socialize. Extroverts, on the other hand, feel energized by interacting with people. They take in energy when they socialize and it recharges them.

One of the most common misconceptions about introverts is people often associate shyness with being an introvert. People usually think shy people are introverts and that introverts are really shy. That is not always the case. Sure, introverts are more likely to be shy when it comes to meeting new people or being in front of people they aren't too close to. But a lot of the times extroverts can be shy as well. On the other hand, some introverts are not shy when it comes to meeting people. Somehow people tend to think that someone they've just met who isn't very chatty is shy. That's not always the case. Extroverts may be shy when meeting someone new, and introverts are well capable of warming up to people quickly.

Another common thinking is that introverts are anti-social. Anti-social people can be introverts, but not all. Introverts can be anti-social, but not all. Introverts prefer to listen and observe, while extroverts prefer to be more active in socializing. Introverts look at their listening and observing as socializing too, even it they don't always contribute to conversation as much as extroverts. If you know someone who is an introvert, you may notice that sometimes he/she may go quiet after talking to people or socializing for a while. At that point it would mean that some downtime would be much appreciated. Some people mistake this as being anti-social, or might even misinterpret that as a mood swing or getting angry. Introverts take energy from themselves to socialize, so after a period of time they may feel the need to listen more and interact less.

In today's society, people see extroverts as being 'more intelligent' and are sometimes more 'prized' than introverts. What a lot of people are not aware of is introverts are not any less intelligent just because they don't have as many things to contribute to conversations or because they interact less actively with people. Introverts tend to be more aware of surroundings and people, allowing them to take in more information, oftentimes information that people usually do not notice. Because of this, they are sometimes able to be more of a 'chameleon' when it comes to portraying themselves. Depending on the company, introverts are able to behave like extroverts and with the information that they usually take in while observing, strike interesting conversations. They often notice the different behavioral traits of people around them, and are able to use what they learn to their advantage.

There are many interesting things about different personalities, more than just being introverts and extroverts. If you happen to be unsure of what your personality type is, I find the Myers Briggs personality tests to be fairly accurate. Of course, you do have to be honest when answering questions on personality tests to get a more accurate reading. I just find things of this nature to be extremely fascinating. For now though, it is goodnight.

I think sometimes I try so hard to do the 'right' or 'normal' thing and be happy, be friendly and enjoy the company of people. But after all this time, deep down inside I really wish I don't have to. I really wish I could go somewhere else, move to a place where I can start anew, where nobody knows me so I don't have to deal with anyone.