I can't help it but thinking about Christmas this year makes me sad. I'm afraid this year my ability to feel excited for Christmas does not seem present. It genuinely makes me sad I don't know why. Of course we all know that the real significance of Christmas is Jesus but you can't deny the commercial part of it. I'm going to be spending Christmas Eve alone and I know it's my choice but it is a choice that makes me sad. I just don't want to deal with conversations that will make me feel worse than being alone on Christmas Eve.

I guess I'll pass Christmas this year. Sad but I just want to run away and disappear from everyone. Nobody seems to understand how I feel. Perhaps sometimes we get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, and it just becomes a part of us..